Emotional Dependency, When Love Becomes A Drug

There are times when, without really knowing how, we end up losing our own dignity to become “attached” to a completely toxic relationship. Why do we do it? ¿ Why is it so hard to get away from a person who hurts us ? The answer is simple, while full of innumerable dimensions: emotional dependency.

 Maintaining a  healthy and happy relationship  implies, above all, knowing how to enrich each other through respect, recognition and love.

Let’s talk today about this common aspect in couple relationships.

How is emotional dependence characterized?

The emotional dependence has a double face, a double mask where it would appear, on the one hand, the expression of the most devoted and absolute love, and secondly, that of suffering. They are relationships where, far from being peaceful and harmonious, we are subjected to constant ups and downs. It is like living on a ferris wheel.

Let’s see more features below:

• Despite being aware that this type of relationship hurts us, we find ourselves unable to distance ourselves. To end that union.

• Emotional dependence is always based on manipulation. It seeks to control the life of the other to avoid being abandoned, and this often results in the appearance of jealousy, mistrust and even blackmail.

• We develop very exaggerated overprotective behaviors towards our partner, we focus our entire universe on “our other half” and, sometimes, we put our family and friends aside.

• Normally there are two profiles within the couple: the dominant and the dominated. The former builds his power through jealousy, blackmail, mistrust, and firm authority. The dominated person is generally submissive but, far from fleeing this type of relationship, he remains inside this “toxic circle” for fear of being abandoned, or because his love is so blind that he does not see the reality of the problem.

• We have to bear in mind that emotional dependence is a very complex dimension, easy to see for those who are outside of it, but those who live it, those who suffer from it, usually have a blindfold for a long time.

How to get out of a relationship based on emotional dependence?

• The first and most important step is undoubtedly recognize our “emotional dependence”. It is impossible to act in the face of what is not made conscious, so it is important that every day you put your heart on a scale. What weighs more? Happiness or suffering? Think about it carefully and objectively analyze your situation.

• The second step is learning to take responsibility for our own life. Learn to be more autonomous and not so dependent on your partner, strengthen your self-esteem and always feel sure of yourself.

• Value the “here and now” more. Do not stop to think about how your partner was in the past, how he cared for you or how he respected you. What matters is the present, so ask yourself: Does your partner make you happy now? Are you living the life you really want right now? Think about it, it is important.

• Never be afraid of loneliness. If your main fear is leaving your partner because you cannot conceive of seeing yourself alone despite being unhappy, then the problem is yours and you must solve it.

To be a mature and happy person, you must first learn to enjoy yourself, your loneliness, listening to your inner voice. Love does not aim to find our “other half.” Absolutely. You must first learn to be “a whole person” and without emotional gaps, to more fully enjoy a relationship. Remember it!